When Can I Start Wearing That Red Hat?

There is a poem that I've heard of that talks about wearing purple and a red hat. It was written by English poet Jenny Joseph. The gist of the poem to me is that when you're old enough, you can pretty much do whatever you want and nobody can tell you otherwise. In other words, you have the freedom to be eccentric and not be judged as crazy.

My question is, when do I reach this "old age"? The other day I was contemplating the contents of my closet. I was dressing for a family Christmas gathering and trying to decide what to wear. Have you ever had a pair of shoes or earrings that you wanted to wear and so you planned your outfit around it? Well I wanted to wear my heather grey and purple shawl. I made this shawl from a pattern purchased by my daughter as my Christmas gift last year. I am very proud of this shawl and wanted to show it off.

Now the acceptable thing to wear as this was a casual gathering was jeans and a top. Since it is the middle of December, it would require a warm top. When I picked the colors for my shawl, I didn't take into account that I had very few tops that would "match". My mother raised me with clearly defined guidelines i.e. you don't wear plaids with flowers or polka dots; your colors must "match" by either being in the same hue or in appropriate contrasting colors. There is also acceptable attire for specific environments - business attire for work, etc. We all say we don't care what people think, but that's not true when it comes to our clothing - unless you shop at Walmart. (Inside joke for Candy.)

So I asked myself, "Am I old enough to wear purple and the red hat yet? Can I dress the way I feel and not care about what others deem appropriate?" I didn't want to wear jeans. I like loose and flowing, but I don't have much of that in my closet due to the aforementioned expectations. I ended up wearing a very flowy set of pants with a fine wool scarf tied around my hips, a white sleeveless shell covered with a thin grey sweater and my shawl. Very layered and flowy! No one said a word one way or another. Were they being polite? Or am I old enough to wear what I please and just be accepted that way?

Warning - When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple

By Jenny Joseph

When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple

with a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

and satin candles, and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired

and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

and run my stick along the public railings

and make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

and pick the flowers in other people's gardens

and learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

and eat three pounds of sausages at a go

or only bread and pickles for a week

and hoard pens and pencils and beer nuts and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

and pay our rent and not swear in the street

and set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

Warning - When I Am an Old Woman I Shall Wear Purple

By Jenny Joseph

When I am an old woman, I shall wear purple

with a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves

and satin candles, and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired

and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells

and run my stick along the public railings

and make up for the sobriety of my youth.

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

and pick the flowers in other people's gardens

and learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat

and eat three pounds of sausages at a go

or only bread and pickles for a week

and hoard pens and pencils and beer nuts and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry

and pay our rent and not swear in the street

and set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now?

So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised

When suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

We Can't All Be Doctors and Lawyers and Such

There was a time when high school taught us practical skills. There was home economics where they taught you to cook and sew. There was metal shop and wood shop in which you learned not only to build something with your own two hands, but how to visualize, plan and read a pattern. You learned how to apply those math classes you were required to take. Supposedly due to budget cuts these classes are no longer offered. (They don't teach you how to drive a car anymore either.)

These hands-on classes were replaced with computer classes and preparation for college. They expect young people to know "what they want to be when they grow up". This is a cute question to ask a child when they're young enough to play dress-up, but not a 15 year old adolescent. By the time they graduate, they are expected to have a life plan all laid out and ready to follow. If their parents can afford a college education, they're very fortunate; otherwise they're expected to spend the equivalent of buying a house to finance their college degree. I don't know who thought up these standards, but very few young adults know what they want to do with their future let alone teenagers.

I started working when I was 15 years old. All I needed was a work permit which indicated that my parents approved of me working and that my employer was aware of my age. I worked every summer during high school; so did my brothers. By the time my children were in high school, work was getting scarce. My daughter was lucky enough to get work serving coffee, but my boys couldn't find the type of work they wanted (garage mechanic or welding) because they weren't 18. My oldest son was able to find a Mexican restaurant that willingly trained him to cook. This was actually the end of an era; it's very difficult for a high school student to find work anymore. Those jobs are taken by college students or graduates who either can't find work in their field or don't like the career choice they were forced to make in high school.

About the time I graduated from high school there was a song that was really popular in country music. Some of the lyrics read, "Mamas, don't let your babies grow up to be cowboys. Don't let 'em pick guitars or drive them old trucks. Let 'em be doctors and lawyers and such." Now I really liked this song, but I recently realized that the expectation or skewed view in America is that we should all be doctors and lawyers and such. We all should get a college degree whether we can afford it or not. We should all aspire to making as much money as we possibly can and this will bring us happiness. The way to achieve this goal is to get a college degree - the higher the better. Some would go so far as to call it "The American Dream".

There are several problems with this ideology. One as stated earlier is the cost. It is so prohibitive to most people and yet we keep shoving our young people over this cliff. Also, expecting our teenagers to know what they want to do with the rest of their lives to make the expense of that college education feasible is ridiculous. I've had at least 12 different jobs in my lifetime and I still don't have a "career title" - and I actually have an AA degree.

Then there's the guilt. Why do we make people feel guilty for not having a college diploma? Or if they get that diploma, why do judge them as a failure if they end up working in another field? What gives us the right to judge at all? I have met so many people that changed their mind about their career choice once they started their college education. Some changed their major (several times even) while others stuck it out and then sought other employment when they realized they weren't suited to the work.

Last of all, we can't all be doctors and lawyers and such. When I worked in the hospital I would often comment, "Sure we need the nurses, doctors, various techs that all required a so called higher education; but how would the hospital function without the housekeepers, cafeteria workers and maintenance crew?" These people were vital to the operation. They worked the hardest and received the lowest pay.

Today I read an article that some of those high-tech computer jobs that were the so-called "wave of the future" are no longer available. In fact I recently heard a report that there are plenty of "blue collar" jobs available, but there are not enough trained people to fulfill these positions. People that would have been taught these skills in high school at one time or maybe received on-the-job training.

So I honor all those hard working people out there, whether you have a college degree or not. I'm proud of my husband who worked as an Industrial Electrician, my daughter the Coffee Barrista and my son who welds on four-wheel-drive vehicles. Hold your heads up and take pride in your work. And while you're at it, spit in the eye anyone who judges you as unsuccessful.

(Disclaimer: I have nothing against doctors and lawyers.)

Lessons I Learned When I Bought My House

My daughter is house shopping. She's still a little way off from moving in, but they are looking. When we spoke on the phone the other day she commented that she definitely didn't want a "fixer upper" because it didn't fit their personality. I'm so glad she recognized this trait in herself and her husband. After our conversation, I started reminiscing about when we bought our house 21 years ago; and I remember some of the mistakes we made. We were so naive. I want to share a few of the lessons we learned and maybe it will save my daughter and others some hard knocks.

• First of all, be realistic about what you can afford. Your monthly payment is just the beginning. There will be taxes and insurance to pay. There will also be expenses for maintenance. Unfortunately the roof will wear out, the water heater or furnace will go out, the fence may fall down or your sewer may back up. If you are spending every dollar available for your house payment and other daily costs of living, you may end up unable to repair those things that wear out.
• Don't use the same realtor as the seller. They are likely to offer to work for a lower fee, but the bottom line is they'll still make more money if both you and the seller are paying them a fee. One of the reasons you want a good realtor is because they will keep your  best interests at heart. If you share the realtor, they will do whatever it takes to make the sale.
• If you are a first time home buyer, either get your own appraisal done or have an experienced home buyer walk through with you. Even though the appraisal is usually required by law, they may not be as thorough as your own appraiser. We ended up having problems with the plumbing in our bathtub that I am still dealing with to this day. I never thought to see if the drains worked well or if the pipes leaked. Go ahead and climb on the roof. Turn the heater on in the middle of summer or the Air Conditioner on in winter.
• Don't borrow money for your down payment. If you can't afford a down payment, you can't afford a house! I maxed out a few credit cards AND we borrowed money from my in-laws. Within a short time my husband was unemployed and we ended up working with a credit counselor to pay off most of our credit card debt. We opted not to declare bankruptcy, but we still ruined our credit for seven years. (They don't always tell you this will happen when you go for credit counseling.) Seven years is a long time when you want to buy a car or furniture. Oh yeah, we didn't pay my in-laws back for a long time and that debt really caused some friction in our relationships.
• Don't buy a house with the thought that you will move in a few years. In fact, buy your house with the intention of living there forever. You never know what hardships or circumstances may arise to prevent you from moving. We bought our house with the intention of selling and moving to the country in 5 years. We heard that we would build enough equity in our house to get a good down payment for a larger property in the country. That was a BIG lie. So don't buy a 2 bedroom if you may someday need a 3 bedroom or 4 bedroom house. Don't get stuck with a tiny house when you know you need a family room, office, hobby room, etc. If you enjoy entertaining or hosting family gatherings, keep in mind the need for space.
• Check out the neighborhood during different times of the day. Also do a drive through on the weekend. A neighborhood that seems quiet during the week may be really noisy on weekends. This also gives you the opportunity to check out the traffic, pets running loose, children, etc. Do NOT take the seller's word that a prospective house is in an ideal neighborhood. Maybe they really want out. Don't assume they are honest. If you get an opportunity to meet the neighbors, that's even better. First impressions are very important.
• Make sure you like the landscaping. If the yard is not landscaped, plan on spending 10% of the cost of the house in laying out your yard. If you don't like to do your own yard work, plan on the cost of hiring a gardener or get a landscape with very low maintenance. If you enjoy gardening, then make sure you have plenty of room to accommodate your hobby. Remember old shrubs and trees can be removed, but it is expensive. Paving and concrete is even harder to remove. If you enjoy BBQing and entertaining, look for a place with a patio, etc. Also ask yourself if the yard is large enough for pets/children if you plan to have either.
• There are some items that can be used for bargaining such as paint and flooring. Point out to the seller if the carpet needs to be replaced or the walls need new paint. Ask them to lower the asking price based on these cosmetic items. Be sure to put enough money back to cover the costs of paint, carpet, etc.
• This leads to the next point - allow yourself time BEFORE you move in to make any changes such as painting and carpeting. It is much easier to take care of these chores when you don't have to move furniture around or sleep in a house that smells like paint. Our house closed on the same weekend our rent ran out. We had to move immediately.
• Keep in mind the cost of appliances, furniture, window coverings, etc. The house may not come with all the appliances such as a washer and dryer.  (Make sure the built-in appliances such as the stove/oven and dishwasher do work.) Also, your furniture may not suit your new living space. The cost of window coverings/treatments can also add up. Windows vary in size so much that the curtains you currently own probably won't work for your new home.

I'm sure there are other things I haven't thought of, but these are some of the main points I can speak about from experience. I'm not trying to take the joy out of home ownership. It's just keeps you from being disappointed if you face the facts up front.