The definition of secret: "something kept from the knowledge of others or shared only confidentially with a few". The definition of gossip: "a person who habitually reveals personal or sensational facts about others"
Do you know someone who likes to "share" family news or tell you about their friends' problems "because they just know you will understand"? They are not malicious, they just want you to be informed. Maybe you just said, "Ouch!" If you're one who has a tendency to gossip, you might say, "I never share things to be mean." That doesn't matter; it's still gossip. If you are told something that is nobody else 's business, keep it to yourself!
Recently a secret came out in our family that caused a lot of hurt feelings. The gossip was not shared in a malicious way, but it still hurt family relationships. I have confronted the person responsible about this practice before. But it just doesn't seem to sink in that she is told certain things in confidence and should not "share" unless given permission to do so.
It was hard enough to keep secrets from becoming gossip among family and friends before social media came along. Social media just adds another forum in which gossip can spread like a wildfire and quickly get out of control. I've been admonished by my husband that I shouldn't put our personal business on Facebook. I told him that the information is only shared with my "friends", but this too has come back to bite me. I've gotten to where I'm paranoid to give an accurate status report because I never know who will spread news that gets distorted. We all need to talk to someone once in a while. We shouldn't need to worry that what we shared might end up feeding the rumor mill.
On the other hand, I have a dear friend who I can tell my every secret and know it will NEVER be repeated. I hope I am the same kind of friend to her.
The difference in these two relationships is that I really look forward to spending time with my friend, but avoid the family member. So if you will cut the gossip habit out of your life, you will be known as a great friend rather than a pariah to be avoided.
